When bad food happens to good people

Disclaimer: by reading this disclaimer you absolve Awesome Mom from all responsibility should you choose to actually attempt to feed your family any of the following recipes.

We are going to enter the way back machine. We will go back to a very carefree time when Awesome Mom was a young tyke who was totally innocent about the awfulness heading her way.

One Christmas my very health obsessed grandmother gifted my father with a recipe book called Recipes to Lower Your Fat Thermostat. My father was a tad pudgy and heading towards high blood pressure according to my grandmother, so in an attempt to head off this descent into bad health she gave him the book and made him promise to make some recipes from it.

The recipes in the book were low fat, low taste and generally just plain awful. It was pretty clear that the author had not actually taste tested her own recipes or she would not have produced the book in the first place. The only recipe that was any good was a chicken noodle soup that my father dumped salt in.

To illustrate my point about the awfulness I am putting up two of the more memorable recipes. The first is a lovely little concoction called bean loaf. It should never be made with kidney beans as the texture of it will be similar to something you would find in a diaper after a stomach virus had hit your child (that is about as delicately as I can put it). On a good day my sisters and I would call it dog poo. Sadly my parents actually served this to us several times before our whines eventually got it off the menu. The next recipe is called Unusual Oatmeal Soup. It is very aptly named as it has a very unusual appearance, texture and taste. Sadly that really is not a good thing. When this gem was present at the table, even my mother (who tried to present a united food front with my father) refused to eat it. This was never served again but it became a family joke that has lived on through the years.

Bean Loaf

3 C cooked beans
1 chopped onion
1/2 C chopped mushrooms
1/4 C wheat germ
1 C grated carrots
2 egg whites
3 T tomato juice
3 T catsup
To taste seasoning with out salt
1 C Beef bouillon

Use pinto, lima, black, garbanzo or the bean of your choice. Grind or chop the cooked beans. See, it starts off bad texture wise and never recovers

Satue onions and mushrooms until tender. Add to chopped beans.

Combine wheat germ, carrots, egg whites, tomato juice, catsup and seasonings with bean mixture in a large bowl. The mixture should be thick. Pat it into a non-stick loaf pan or mold onto a non-stick baking sheet

Bake at 350 for 45-60 minutes. Pour a little beef bouillon over bean loaf during cooking to keep mixture moist. If you have to do that then maybe you should not be making this at all Serve if you dare.

Unusual Oatmeal Soup

1 C sliced onion
1/2 C sliced mushrooms
2 Cloves of minced garlic
1 C rolled oats
7 C chicken stock
2 1/2 C stewed tomatoes this is where the recipe really looses it for me since I am not a huge fan of stewed tomatoes aka peeled eyeballs
to taste seasoning with out salt
1 C skim milk or chalk water as my husband likes to call it

Saute onions, mushrooms and garlic until tender. They don't say what you should saute it in but you can bet it is not butter.

Stir in oats, stock and tomatoes.

Bring to a boil, reduce heat and simmer for 5 minutes.

Season and stir in milk I really don't get why you would stir in the seasonings last since in theory you would want them in there longer so the flavors blend. Serve hot and watch your family disown you.

Reading overload

Two of my friends and I had a get together yesterday. We got talking on reading and I ended up coming home with a nice pile of borrowed books. It was quite fun to talk about reading since most of my other friends are not quite as literary. These books are geared to the younger set but are good reads any way. It makes a nice change the giant thick tomes that I have been reading of late.

The book I am currently reading from my new stack is called Artemis Fowl. This book is wonderfully written and very enjoyable. I had avoided the whole young adult reading scene in my youth preferring the more weighty works that were in my father's book collection. I am now finding out that I missed out on some great reads but thankfully I have friends that are able to point me in the right direction. I am now of the opinion that well written works that are supposedly directed to children are still very much worth reading now that I am an adult.

Pediatric Grand Rounds

Pediatric Grand Rounds is up at Unintelligent Design. I am hosing the next edition of Pediatric Grand Rounds so start thinking now of what you would like to submit. I am not above asking for submissions. In honor of Valentine's Day and Congenital Heart Defect Awareness day (which are both on the same day) it will be heart themed.

Kiddos

Evan has a new obsession. I bought a pair of rain boots at the thrift store. They were a couple of sizes too big but I figured he could grow into them. He insisted on trying them on at home and insisted on clomping around them all afternoon. Upon waking up this morning the only thing he could think about was putting on those boots and doing more clomping. He is quite cute in them but I will have to get some thicker socks if he is going to be able to walk in them outside.


Harry's obsession is a figure that we got with a bunch of recently purchased mega blocks. The instant the block box is open he snatches this girl out and pops her right into his mouth like a lolly pop. If you try and take it from him because you are frightened he will trip and jam it down his throat he will shriek a horrible shriek that will turn your brain into mush.


Harry had his first bloody nose today during nursery. It sure was much nicer than Evan's gusher. Harry was sitting on a chair for singing time and suddenly decided to get off the chair. He fell flat on his face but the bleeding did not start until a bit later. Since I was not at home I could not try the tip my sister gave me but pinching the nose for a little bit stopped the bleeding quite quickly.

More about knitting

I thought it would be fun to share pictures of the delicious yarn that I recently purchased. It was unfortunately *cough* $11 a skien but since it is for my mother who went through such immense pain to give birth to me I guess the price was worth it. The fact that the yarn is different thicknesses presented a bit of a challenge because it had a tenancy to roll. I am having to work it in the garter stitch to help keep my work flat.

I am planning on making stripes of three different colors pink, creamy white and navy blue. I am going to vary the thickness of the stripes and the order just to keep it fun. Here is a picture of what I have so far. I had to start over a couple of times since I cast on too many stitches the first time and the second time was to fix the rolling issues. I think that this one will come together much quicker than my first scarf since the variations are in the yarn it's self and not in how I am knitting it. I am also using bigger knitting needles this time which also speeds things up.

Chelle gave me the link of a really great knitting website. For those forlorn readers that have been meaning to learn how to knit this is a great place to start. They have videos and pictures of all the basics in knitting and once you master those there are how to videos for more advanced things.

Yarn Snob

That is right I am a yarn snob. Last night I went the local craft store (with out kids whee!) to pick up some yarn for my mother's scarf. While wandering around trying to decide which one to use I noticed that I was not even touching the cheap acrylic yarn. The acrylic had a much greater range of colors which would have been great for the scarf I had in my mind but I just could not stand to even pick the awful stuff up.

I gravitated to the wool yarn. Wool is my all time favorite knitting medium. I love the feel of it as I work with it. I think that when I win the lottery and become filthy rich I will have my own flock of sheep and have all the wool I could dream of right at my fingertips.

How nerdy am I?

This is how nerdy I am. It is a link to the funniest Star Trek themed YouTube video I have ever seen.

And the winner is........

The winner of the lovely scarf hand knit by yours truly is Vicky!!! The runner up prize goes to my mother Fancypantsnancy. Harry picked her but did not follow directions and bring me the slip of paper, he just put it in his mouth. Evan was a much better listener and brought his slip of paper faster and with out putting it into his mouth. I had already been planning on knitting my mother a scarf since she seemed to really want one even though all three of my younger sisters knit and I had assumed that she was all scarved out.

To claim your prize Vicky you will have to email me with your address and I will send it over.

Breakfast part 2

Just a reminder that today is the last day to enter my contest. I will do the drawing tomorrow morning and announce the winner then.

Thanks you for all of your suggestions on breakfast for the kids. My hands are a bit tied with some traditional breakfast items. Evan is on a lowish sodium diet now that he has had his final corrective surgery. It is very important that he not retain water since it generally collects in the lungs and that is bad news for Evan. We have to keep an eye on his salt intake so a lot of the salty options like bacon or even eggs with salt are out.

I bought some English muffins at the grocery store yesterday. This morning I tried scrambled eggs with some cheese which was not very appreciated. Evan has gobbled up fried eggs before, but I guess the different form threw him a bit.

Someone asked what apple butter is. Apple butter is kind of like apple sauce only it is thicker and has been run through a blender so it is smooth. Sugar and spices are also added to it. I am using it instead of jams or jellies.

I am not sure why I was feeling so dissatisfied with the lack of breakfast options since I have little trouble feeding the kids chicken nuggets almost every day. Evan only occasionally gets a peanut butter sandwich to add variety to his lunches. Harry has turkey meatballs now and then.

A real contest

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Zephra, Shinga and Vicky were the winners of my fake contest. They all guessed the quote correctly, before I posted the comments which contained the answer. If you really want I will send out pictures of the kids but you will have to email me your addresses since I may be great at trivia but I can't guess addresses.

My fake contest and the fact that I finally finished my scarf after working on it for over a year (off and on) made me decide to throw a real contest. That is right, the prize is a magenta wool scarf hand knitted by yours truly. I am willing to ship international so all my non US readers feel free to enter. All you will have to do is enter one comment a day on each post that I write for the next week. That will give people plenty of time to get their name in if they so choose. That also means that I will have to come up with a post every day but I think I can handle it. All I ask is that the comment is more than a lame "hi". I would like a tiny bit of substance since I did spend many hours making the scarf. I will randomly draw names.

Breakfast

I am stuck in a breakfast rut. I serve my poor kids the same few things every morning because they are simple to get together. I am generally a cereal gal so me having to think up anything more complex than that first thing in the morning is hard. Right now we are on a whole wheat toast spread with apple butter streak. I pair that with yogurt raisins and call it good. I guess what I am trying to say is Help!! Give me some ideas about what else is out there for breakfast. I need tips on what to feed the kiddos. I am sure they will be quite happy with expanded breakfast options.

Too cute!

One of the best things about increasing the humidity on our living room is that Harry's cute little curls stick around much longer. Generally his hair gets crazy and frizzy looking if it had not recently been wet down. Enjoy the wonderful curl pictures I took this afternoon.

Harry's first blog entry

mnnnnnnnn jnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn vbgggggbbbbbbbbbbbnnnnnnnnnnnnmmllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllk bbb vvvvvvvvcvhgnmnhjjjj

Which translates to: Dude please some and rescue me from this crazy woman! She does all sorts of mean things to me like getting me dressed and making me sit down in the bath tub. Help!!!

evanPod

Way back when the nanos were first out on the market I joked with my sister E that she should get Evan a nano. It was the perfect size for him and after all he deserved all the cool new toys. She refused but did say that once he would tolerate headphones that she would then get him his own nano. Well Auntie E where is his iPod?

Warning!

When you are shopping for a humidifier do not take your train obsessed sons with you. You will walk out of Target with a humidifier that you know very little about except that it is in the shape of Thomas the Tank Engine. Curse those pleading brown eyes and the giggles of glee.

The Dentist

Yesterday we finally had the long awaited dental appointment that would get the ball rolling so that Evan could have his cavities taken care of. I was rather apprehensive especially after all the issues we had even getting the appointment. To top things off I was not even sure our dental insurance would even cover the visit. According to the website they have no providers in Big City which seemed really odd to me especially when they had a ton of providers in my small town area.

We got there and were checking in. Evan started whining which worried me even more but it turned out that Evan wanted out of the stroller to play with the mega lego blocks. We have them at home and they are quite popular with the boys. The student dentist we saw was nice and through. She had a bunch of pictures of different heart defects on a page and wanted me to pick out Evan's heart defect. I laughed and told her that Evan's heart was unique which is why I had put complex heart defect on the medical forms.

The exam went exactly the way I expected. Evan hated it when they were looking in his mouth but was otherwise quite well behaved. Having the cavities filled under general anesthesia was recommended due to his age. Proper diet and oral hygiene was stressed. They were eager to make sure that I scheduled an appointment with out dentist up here for Harry (which I had already discussed with the dentist). I could tell that they were used to seeing worse mouths with kids that had very poor oral hygiene.

After we bought some sandwiches and had a picnic in a local park. One of the advantages of this dental school is that it is right next door to the hospital that Evan goes to for all his heart stuff so we already were familiar with the area. It was quite tough to push the stroller filled with the kids up the steep hills. I guess I need to get in better shape. The day ended up being a long day but turned out much better than I had thought it would.

Picture post

It was a frosty and very chilly morning yesterday.

Harry wearing the cashmere hat Auntie E knit for Evan last winter.

Hat hair is so much fun

This was supposed to be a picture of the boys sharing and taking turns. I wanted to have it just in case they never share anything again. Sadly, I did not grab the camera fast enough and the brief moment was gone. At least they are not screaming and crying in this picture.

Harry making mommy jealous with his bending and balancing skills. If I bent over like that I would have fallen on my face.

Quite the morning

This morning Evan had a bloody nose. I was trying to get lunch done (so I guess is was more afternoonish) and Evan was having a fit that it was not going fast enough. I send him off to sit down so that he could calm down when the next thing I know he has blood all over the front of his shirt and big fat drops more coming out of his nose.

It is not easy to stop a bloody nose in a very reluctant toddler who would have been happy to just sit there and bleed. He did not want me to put any sort of tissue up there and was not wanting me to pinch his nose shut. I was glad that my neighbor was not home because she might have thought I was murdering someone the noise was so loud. I had to restrain his entire body and pinch the nostrils shut, no easy feat now that he is getting bigger and stronger. Once he exhausted himself I was able to pack some toilet paper in his nose and ace bandage his good arm to his side. He then calmly watched the computer screen saver while I finished lunch. I wanted to make good and sure that a clot had formed since I did not fancy a trip to the Emergency Room.

I think this whole event was a combination of bad genetics and blood thinners. I checked Evan's INR, which was fine, so it was caused by the dry winter air. My husband and I were plagued by bloody noses as kids. I have grown out of it mostly but sometimes my husband will still randomly start bleeding. I emailed Evan's cardiologist and I got some great tips to hopefully prevent the next event.

Excuse me, while I run off to mop the blood off of my floor. CSI would have a field day in my house.

A classic blunder

Ha ha! You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders! The most famous is never get involved in a land war in Asia, but only slightly less well-known is this: never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha...

I am adding another to the list of classic blunders. Never go up against Awesome Mom in trivia, especially science fiction trivia. I seem to have a wicked memory for all sorts of odd facts. This is something that my husband discovered today.

As I mentioned above I am very much into science fiction literature and tv shows. I grew up watching Star Trek: The Next Generation along with other sundry science fiction shows. I learned to discover actors that appear in more than one show even if in one show they were heavily coated in makeup and odd masks. My husband checked out the entire first season of Farscape from the base library and we have been watching it all week. He is also a fan of Stargate (a show which I like but would not go out of my way to watch). We have to get all of our sci fi shows in reruns because we are too cheap to spend the money for the good cable so we are not really up on the latest shows. We had not seen an episode of Stargate in awhile but there happened to be one on tv and imagine my surprise when one of the new main character of that show looked awfully familiar. The main character was Ben Browder who was also the main character of Farscape.

My husband was incredulous. I had to finally look online to get him to stop denying the obvious. I had no idea why he would not believe me since it was not like Ben Bowder was in any alien makeup at all in either show. Stargate and Farscape also share another common actress Claudia Black who has a reoccurring but semi-minor role in Stargate but is the love interest for Ben Browder's character in Farscape.

He then moved on to discussing Star Trek with me. He said that we should add it to our collection of TV shows. He mentioned that there were probably tons of seasons to collect. I of course had to beg to differ. I knew that the Star Trek had not even run for the five seasons that were hinted at with the whole "five year mission" in the introduction. I was not entirely sure exactly how many seasons had run but I knew it was not the seven seasons my husband was thinking of (which of course any trekkie knows is the standard length for the spin off Star Trek shows excepting Enterprise) . Wikipedia solved that argument by stating that the show had run for three years. Score another one for Awesome Mom. Who knew there was still some brains left in me after having two kids? I sure did not.

I am giving an autographed picture of my kids to whomever can guess what movie the above quote came from.

Pediatric Grand Rounds

Pediatric Grand Rounds is up at Parenting Solved. I particularly enjoyed the posts submitted by Sandy Szwarc who has a blog called Junkfood Science. It reminds us all to be a bit more critical of what read in the news.