Friday, March 31, 2006
My friend A is also my neighbor. We met through an online local recycling email list. She is super good at finding kids toys and stuff on the cheap. When we were at her house last I noticed that she had a neat infant seat. She saw how much I liked it. I happened to mention how hard it was for me to find the time to get the deals that she does. Later on in the week she called me up and told me about how she had found one of the rockers for five dollars and asked me if I wanted to buy it. Yes!!!!!!
My friend C is a fun and bubbly gal from New Zealand. She is the only one of my friends that is not a mommy yet. She and her hubby are going to be babysitting for me so that my husband and I can go out for my birthday. I have the hardest time deciding on baby sitters.
I work with the teenaged girls in church so in theory I should have a ton of sitters. In practice I hold off because of Evan's health issues. I also hold off because there is one girl that is nuts about kids and obsesses over my kids, but there is no way I feel that she is mature enough to watch my kids. I don't want to hurt her feelings by obviously choosing everyone but her. I used to have a nice girl that would come a few days a week after school but then she got a real job and I have not replaced her.
My friend R's husband is a mentor to my husband, helping him set up a career in the military. They are moving in may, him to icy Alaska to be a commander of a small isolated base and her to tropical Hawaii. The separation will only be a year but I am sure it will be a hard one. They have a beautiful little baby girl that they waited ten long years for. He will be missing out on a lot of stuff.
She came over with her daughter to have a play date with us today. We were discussing kids toys and I mentioned how I was looking for a tummy time mat with a pillow for Harry. He seems to like his tummy more than Evan and prefers it to baby gyms. She said she would give me the tummy time mat that she used for her baby.
Looking back I see that most of the nice things revolve around fun baby toys. I have to admit that I am a huge baby gaget addict. I love getting them toys and things because it is so fun to watch them play with them. It is a habit that can get expensive so any time I can feed it without spending a lot of dough I am thrilled. We are going to a huge yard sale put on by a mother's club so I am totally excited and may not be able to sleep tonight. Hee!!!
Thursday, March 30, 2006
2. Who was your first roommate? I didn't have a roommate my first semester of college but I joined a program where I could get a double room and have it to myself most of the year but for a month I would be sharing it with a Japanese exchange student (I really like exchange students LOL). Her name was Mikkiko and she did not speak very good English so we were not able to get to know each other very well.
3. What alcoholic beverage did you drink when you got drunk the first time? I have never been drunk. I don't drink for religious reasons.
4. What was your first job? I was kennel help at a veterinarian clinic. I had do all the nasty jobs that no one else wanted to do. It was my favorite job but I got fired from it fro some unknown reason. The vet that fired me said I did not seem happy at the job which was a BS reason.
5. First CD you bought? Weezer
6. When did you go to your first funeral, who's? My first funeral was my great grandfather on my father's mother's side. I hope that makes sense LOL. I was eight.
7. How old were you when you first moved away from your first hometown? I have never really had a hometown but I did move away from home to go to college.
8. Who was your first grade teacher? I can't remember her name but I did know that she was pregnant at the time and ended up taking maternity leave part way through the year. The sub scared me so much that I was afraid to ask her to go to the bathroom and ended up peeing in my pants.
9. Where did you go on your first airplane ride? My mom flew with me when I was a baby to Seattle to see my grandmother
10. When you snuck out of your house for the first time, who was it with? I never did, I was the good child. My mom planted rose bushes in front of my sister's window to keep her from sneaking out.
11. Who was your first Best Friend and are you still friends with them? Her name was Heather, I liked her so much that I convinced my mother to name one of my sisters Heather. No, I am not friends with her still. That stopped when we moved to another state.
12. Where did you live the first time you moved out of your parents' house? The dorms, wild and crazy I know but I managed to have fun and didn't have to cook.
13. Who is the first person you call when you have a bad day? My mother or my sister E.
14. Who's wedding were you in the first time you were a bridesmaid or a groomsmen? Never been one
15. What is the first thing you do in the morning? Pick up a crying Harry and feed him. After that I check my email.
16. What was the first concert you ever went to? Weird Al Yeah I am a nerd and I know it.
17. First tattoo or piercing? I got my ears pierced when I was 8. I have an uncle with a tattoo shop so if I ever get the hankering for one I get the family discount.
18. First celebrity crush? Shoot I can't remember but I do know that Orlando Bloom is super hot. Love them elf ears!
19. First crush? A guy named Aaron who didn't even know I existed. He played the trumpet like me in the band and it was a huge nerd crush.
20. First sexual experience? My hubby on out wedding night, how sweet!
The first surprise was that Evan was in a breech position and estimated to weigh over 11 pounds. My obstetrician discussed this with us and we decided that trying to turn the baby would be fruitless because of his size. A cesarean section was scheduled. At that point I was just glad that the end was in sight. I was so tired of barely being able to move and eager to meet my baby.
The numbers were lower than expected so she took my precious baby from my arms to run more tests on him and put him on supplemental oxygen. I was so tired and still drugged up that I drifted in and out of sleep praying the whole time that nothing would be wrong with my baby. I kept hearing him cry while they poked and prodded him.
The pediatrician on call decided that he needed to be moved from the small community hospital that he was born at to a larger one with a NICU. I asked to go along with him but since I could still not feel my feet, because of the spinal block, I was told that I would have to stay where I was for now. Devastated I was allowed to see him one more time through the incubator that the EMS people had brought to transport him to the other hospital.
The doctors from the other hospital assured us that he merely had pulmonary hypertension which caused his pulmonary arteries to shrink a bit with the stress of adjusting to life outside the womb. All he would need was extra oxygen and time.
Five days after his birth I went to visit Evan with my mother-in-law. He has been placed on bipap to help open up his lungs and he seemed to be doing better. An echocardiogram was scheduled for that day because one of the doctors thought he heard a murmur in Evan's heart. I decided to stay and watch the test.
It took awhile to get all the equipment set up as it was going to be a video consult with a pediatric cardiologist in a city about two hours away. I remember sitting there as the test began confident that this was a mere formality. Then the technician that was performing the test started freaking out. She could not find all the normal things that she was looking for. I could not at the time understand what she was looking for but I picked up right away on her worry. I started praying again that my precious baby would be fine.
He was not fine. They discovered a very complex heart defect and would have to transfer him to another hospital with the expert pediatric cardiology team that he would need to address his complex health problem. The doctors could not even apprise me of the extent of his defect since they were not experts in the heart and there was static on the line so the cardiologist did not get a complete picture either.
My world was completely turned upside down that hour. I went from having a baby that needed a little extra oxygen to one that was gravely ill. Before we would be able to take our firstborn home we would have to endure several surgeries including the implantation of a pacemaker, six weeks of hospital time, eating difficulties and the destruction of all our hopes and dreams.
Getting him home was only part of the battle. He developed bad reflux while in the hospital so nutrition to get him to grow before he could get to the next stage of his operation was a huge challenge. I also had to come to terms with what it meant to be the parent of a child with a heart defect. I had to endure the pitying look in people's eyes when I told them about Evan's diagnosis.
Surprisingly he did not turn out to be a sickly infant, too weak to even lift his head. He hit all of the important milestones at all the right times. Slowly life achieved a new normal.
About that time it was decided that he was ready for his next surgery. By this time I had done more research and connected with other parents through the internet. I felt more in control with the situation. I had been there before.
Evan did well with his surgery and was out of the hospital in a week. I was thrilled and happy that we would be able to go and spend Thanksgiving with family. I thought we were home free as he would probably not be needing his third and final surgery until he was three or four years of age. I had so much to be thankful for.
The evening of the day after Thanksgiving, Evan started crying
inconsolably. I was frustrated with him for not responding to my attempts so calm him and eventually I ended up putting him down for the night thinking that he was just over tired from all the excitement of the day. He woke up early that morning and when I went to get him I could tell immediately that something was wrong. One side of his body was limp and useless.
A CT scan would show that the middle third of his right hemisphere, the part of the brain devoted to voluntary muscle control was affected. Again our world was turned upside down. This time we were very lucky as if that blood clot had happened in any other part of the brain his entire personality and ability to learn could have been affected. He could have easily died that night.
Again life has returned to a new sort of normal. Evan finally started walking a year after the stroke. There is a trace of a limp in his walk and he refuses to use his left hand instead preferring to make other adaptations. He is on blood thinners to prevent another stroke so when he trips and falls he bruises easier than most kids. The casual observer would not realize that there is anything amiss with him.
While life is "normal" right now I know that it can change in a blink of an eye. Evan is facing another major surgery this fall so of course I am hopeful that maybe this surgery will go smoothly with no complications. We shall see what life holds in store for our special little man. All I know is that I treasure moment that we are blessed to have him here with us.
October 10, 2006
I am adding more to Evan's story since he has been through the third of the three stage surgery. The surgery went very well with no major complications. He was only in the hospital for a week. During that week right before he went home he was placed on a 24 hour Holter monitor. That test showed that Evan's pacemaker was not working correctly due to inflammation from his surgery. Evan has an underlying rhythm, so it was not like he was in immediate danger but it was decided to admit him after several pacemaker interrogations showed that there was minimal improvement in how the electrodes were working. After being given some steroids the electrodes started working better but still not perfect. Right now we are at the stage where he will have to have his pacemaker replaced in the very near future.
Evan had his pacemaker replaced with no problems at all. Things have been very quiet and great for us.
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
My Favorite Place
Which side of the bed do you think is my husband's and which do you think is mine?
This is where the sleep disturber resides. The second he gets close enough to his brother's sleep pattern (or when we get sick of him being in our room) he will be sharing a room with Evan.
Monday, March 27, 2006
Saturday, March 25, 2006
Pictures of Harry
This is a picture of my first bath in the big bath. Previously mommy had been putting my in the infant tub but now I am waay too big for it.
As you can see I love being able to stretch my legs out and kick in the water.
Time to dry off, we don't want to get all pruney.
Big fun on my tummy. Silly mommy did not think ahead and put a waterproof pad under me. She had to wash the bedspread after this photo shoot.
Checkin out Mr Potato Head. It is a mutant potato thanks to Evan.
Watching my big brother play with his toys. I can't wait until I can crawl over and join him.
A Trip to the pediatrician
Evan has lost a bit of weight because we have been messing with his tube feedings. We have cut back on the amount of pedisure he gets in the hopes that he will eat more orally to compensate for the fewer calories he is getting by the tube. Harry shot up three inches but did not gain a ton of weight.
The fun came when the shots came out. Evan was soo dramatic about it. He was wailing and freaking out until he saw that Harry was getting a shot and then he quickly calmed down. Harry hardly made a peep for any of his shots, he is such a good boy. Evan on the other hand freaked out again when I got him up on my lap. After he was crying for the longest time and I know it was for effect because once I got him dressed and we were ready to go he quickly quieted down.
The Doctor did do his usual warning to me about the possibility of hernia in Harry. My boys are born with extra fluid around their lower manly bits. There is a medical term for it but I don't know how to spell it even remotely correct. All it means is that the hole in the abdomen where the testicles descend from don't close up very well and fluid accumulates but later it goes away usually by the time the kids are one. Sometimes bits of the intestine will poke through that hole and cause issues.
He had me going to the city for a surgical consult with Evan but I will not be fooled twice because the surgeon told me what to really look for and it was not what the doctor was worrying about. He was looking at the giant fat pad that Harry has down there because he is a chubbly little guy. You would think the doctor would know all this but hey he lets me do my own thing and has given me good advice when I ask for it otherwise, so I take this with a grain of salt. I can't really be all that choosy since we live out in the sticks and not many docs take our insurance. My kids are so healthy that we hardly have to see him for anything other than check ups. I get all my real medical advice from the cardiologist's nurse practicioner because she is more versed in Evan's heart defect.
Thursday, March 23, 2006
My Son The Pusher
It was one of those nightmare situations and I even did something that I will try not to ever do again. I made an empty threat and told him that we would have to go home if he did that again. Of course later on he did it again so I had to move him away from the other girl and I told him in my sternest voice that we do not push others. I think he got it because he acted later on like he was going to push again but I saw it and I just said his name and he stopped.
This whole socializing kids into decent human beings is getting to be much harder than I had imagined. I guess Evan being such an obedient child made me think that I was on easy street.
BUT Today he was driving me up the freaking wall. I work with the youth in my church and they were having a talent night tonight so of course I wanted to attend. I did not have a specific assignment at the activity since I have been out of commission for a while with Evan's cath and other crap that has been going on. I just wanted to get out of the damn house already. It has been over a month since I spent an evening out of the house minus the kids.
My husband hates it when I leave him alone with Harry. Why? Harry cries hysterically whenever my husband picks him up. This child will not even eat for anyone but me. If I have to be away Harry will grudgingly eat as little as he can get away with making known his displeasure the whole time.
The sad thing is that I really have been enabling this behavior because it is just easier to do it myself. I have been letting my husband guilt me into staying at home or at the very least taking the baby with me. This is just so frustrating because I want Harry to like his father. I also thought that the biggest advantage to bottle feeding would be the ability to have anyone feed him. This theory was completely shot to hell with my stubborn little man. I know that eventually he will grow out of this but right now it is making life very difficult.
After all the drama it ended up that Harry slept the entire time that I was gone. I am betting that the little bugger is going to be up at the crack of dawn now.
Monday, March 20, 2006
The cath will not be a very big deal. Just an overnight stay in the hospital and then we should be able to go home. I just wish that the cardiologist had also presented this as an option to me in the first place when there was talk of having to do something last fall. I have a hard time believing that she did not know that it could be done that way since she is a very knowledgeable doctor. If she had not known right off that fall, there was plenty of time for research later on. I am certainly going to mention this to her when we see her next.
Right now I kind of like maybe people are going to start thinking that I am making such a big deal over the surgery just for attention. I have told quite a few people about the surgery that is not happening because I was trying to keep my schedule clear of major events so that I could drop everything when I needed to. Now... I don't have to. I am not going to tell anyone else in real life about the one coming up this fall until I have a firm date. It was soo annoying having people ask me for a surgery date when I had none.
Sunday, March 19, 2006
A Interesting Email Part 2
Saturday, March 18, 2006
The camps are still split on how we should proceed and I am the one that will be casting the tie breaker. I got the news in an email and the nurse practitioner will be calling me on Monday so I get a whole weekend to mull things over with very limited information. This is such a heavy burden. With his first and second surgery things were so clear cut, there was only one way to proceed. It was either surgery or watch our son die.
Now it seems to be a choice of two different paths that could both be equally good, but just slightly different. I just have a sick feeling. What if I pick one and then it turns out that the other way would have been better? You can never know what will happen and I hate second guessing myself.
I say that this choice will be mine because while my husband is a great guy he is just not as qualified to make the final decision. I have much stronger background in science, I am the one that goes to each and every doctor's appointment, I am the one that has done all of the research about Evan's heart defect. I have to take everyone's opinion and factor everything in and then decide. I know that the only way I can make this decision and be happy with it is with some divine help. I know that I am going to be praying a whole lot for wisdom in the coming days.
Friday, March 17, 2006
A Strange Email
I thought I might see you yesterday so that I could give you your invitation for the boys, but that's o.k.
I'll do it this way instead of trying to send it to you... It's faster!
Surrounding it was pink froo froo. It was an evite to a birthday party for a little girl that was turning five. The problem was that I had no idea who the heck was sending this to me. The opening was pretty ambiguous but it led me to think that it was from someone that I go to church with as not too many people have the email address that this was sent to.
After running through my mind all the people that I knew I decided that it could not possibly be someone from my church. I did not recognize the last name or the name of the girl.
I started getting really wierded out at that point. I am a stay at home mother so my circle of acquaintance is rather limited. I hang with people from my church since it is just plain easier. I see them on a regular basis and I know that we have at least one thing in common, religion.
I looked the name up in the white pages and came up with a person with the same name living in the same city where my husband's base is located. A light bulb went on with that discovery. I probably knew her from the Spouse's Association! I went back and looked at an old email that the president had sent out and there was her name and email address. The president does not use bcc so I am very sure that is how my email address got out.
I am rather puzzled about why K asked us to her daughter's party. I barley know her and my two-year-old son is not very interested in what her five-year-old girl is. Either she wants to be friends with me and this is her way of extending a hand of friendship or she is looking for lots of gifts for her daughter. I am trying to decide if I want to be cynical or believe that she has good intentions.
K is celebrating her 5th Birthday this year with a "Princess" theme. There will be a royal visit from Queen Daffodil, who will tell some enchanted stories, provide a puppet show, and may even have a few tricks up her sleeve! All birthday guests are encouraged to dress up.... as princesses, princes, knights, jesters, dragons, etc. to make for more fun.I am just not very sure that this is something Evan would even be remotely interested in. I could be wrong though and he may totally enjoy the whole storytelling thing. I am certainly not going to drop off the kids and I may just leave the baby with my husband if we do end up going.
I do need a few helping hands, so if you'd like to stay to help out during the party that would be great, if not, that's fine too... you can leave the kids and get some time to yourself.
The party will be from 6-7:30 p.m. The children will be served pizza, a juice box, and birthday cake.
Please R.S.V.P. by Mon. 3/20/06... and let me know if your interested in staying as helping hands, or if you'll be dropping off.
Thank-you and hope to see you there!
Hope to see you there!
There is also the added problem of the time. It takes me roughly a half of an hour to get to the city where this is being held so even if we leave right at 7:30 we will be getting home right at Evan's bed time. Evan is seriously tied to his bed time. If I try and fudge it a bit he turns into a horrible cranky monster. He needs a good half hour at home of winding down time pre-bed time for us to have a good evening.
As you can tell I am very torn about this whole invitation. I want to be friendly but then it is not a very convenient thing for us. But then I could be a fuddy duddy and it could be a fun evening. Decisions, decisions. I am probably agonizing over this waay too much.
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
Fun at the Zoo
A ton of exotic African animals and what does Evan get giddy about? A seagull!
Having fun splashing in a puddle.
Hey ducks where are you going? I just want to play.
My what a pretty tail you have Mr. Peacock!
I just want to say "Hi".
That is one big kitty!
Harry snug as a bug in the sling.
What exotic animal is next?
There are more pictures but my camera ran out of memory and they are all on my sister's camera so it will be a bit before I get them. I really need a bigger memory card.
The Power of Choice
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
The Condiment King
He is always dissing on his mother's cooking so I think this habit came as a form of self defense. I have eaten her cooking and while she is no five star chef it is edible. I actually have a tendency to cook at least once meal when we are over there just for a nice change. We never let them do the turkey if we are having Thanksgiving with them backaches she will dry the bird into jerky before she deems it done. This woman has no concept of medium rare. In her mind it is either raw and ready to cook of it is tough as shoe leather and ready to eat.
I am a pretty decent cook so it really gets on my nerves sometimes to see my husband dumping stuff on the food that I has taken the time to properly spice. Sadly though I am a bit of an enabler since it is soo easy to use his love as hot sauces as an easy gift idea. I guess I should just shut up and not complain for that very reason.
Sunday, March 12, 2006
I know where my husband gets his horrible sense of style, his mother. When we came home yesterday I was greeted by a very happy Harry who was wearing his older brother's pj top. I had carefully laid out an outfit that morning including a new onesie because he had been wearing the same one for awhile. He was still in that onesie with the pants on that I had placed out and then the pj top. Sigh.
My husband does that all the time too. I will ask him to grab something for the baby, usually when I am coated in spitup. He will either come down with something of Evan's or the ugliest outfit ever. You know the ones. Usually it is a gift that is given to you or just simply something that you, out of your mind, think is cute but once you get it on the child you realize that it is hideous but by then the child has messed the outfit up so you can't return it. So you keep put it away hoping that it will never see the light of day.
I pride myself on the cuteness of my children. I love to dress them in cute clothing so it is painful to see them in bad outfits. My clothing habit is fueled by my mother and my sister. My sister is a single nurse so she has a bit of money to spare and she loves spending it on her nephews. My mother has less money to spare since she is socking away a lot for retirement and my dad likes to buy things too, but she still manages to spend a fair bit on the kids. They both love Gymboree. I love that they give me their gymbucks because otherwise I would not be able to afford to shop there.
The store that I shop the most in is the Carter's outlet store. They have cute stuff which is more in my price range. My Carter's habit is so bad that there is a clerk there that knows me by sight and will come up and chat with me. I used to go to a lot of yard sales and thrift stores too but now that Evan is getting bigger finding cute stuff that is not trashed is getting harder and I have less time to look. If I ever have a girl look out because I will become a clothing monster.
Friday, March 10, 2006
We got up this morning at 4:30 in the morning. That should be illegal. We had to be at the hospital at six and of course the heart catheterization did not even start until 7:30. Evan charmed the heck out of everyone. There were two other groups of people there waiting with us and they all fell in love with him. He is going to be such trouble with the girls when he gets older.
He did not get out of the cath room until about 12:30 and that was only because the doctor got sick and they had to stop the procedure. We will have to go back for another one because while the diagnostic part was done Evan grew some extra veins that need to be blocked off. The doctor had to stop before the blocking off the the veins was done. This is very annoying but what can you do?
Evan came out of the anethesia much better than I expected. My husband and I held him on our laps so that he would stay laying down like he was supposed to be. He got to eat lots of things that were not so good for him which made him very happy.
This experience was much better than our trip to the hospital where Evan's GI doctor practices at. Going to this hospital was like coming home because I knew so many people that worked there. I also knew my way around. Everyone hardly recognized Evan since he has grown so much and really is looking more like little boy.
I am glad to be home though because I missed Harry. It is nice to have everyone back together tonight.
Thursday, March 09, 2006
I hate traffic, I really really do!
Husband: So when are you going to leave?
Me: Well, since the appointment is at 10:30 I am planning on leaving at 9 to allow some extra time in case the morning commute is still going on.
Husband: You don't need to leave that early the commute will be long gone by then.
Ha!!! I got about 15 minuites into the drive when I hit an hour and a half worth of stop and go traffic. Luckily I had my trusty cell phone and could let the nurse practicioner for Evan's cardiologist know that we were stuck. Our appointment was pretty flexible any way so it was no biggie.
I am seriously obsessive about getting to appointments on time. I hate hate hate being late, it makes my stomach twist and I get all stressed out big time if I am not early to things. I have no idea where this obsession came from but it has driven my life. I guess it is actually a pretty good thing since I am very rarely late for anything and am often early.
The worst part of today was not the traffic. It was Evan's chest x-ray. He had to be put in a tube thingy that held him still and upright. He was scared so of course he was crying and trying to get out of the tube. I almost cried when I had to step away for them to take the x-ray, I knew that he was terrified and there was nothing that I could to about it. This makes me more and more apprehensive about how the surgeries are going to go.
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
Who does he look like more?
Hubbie age 2
Evan age 2
Me Age 2
Evan Age 1
Hubbie Age 1
Me Age 1
Friday, March 03, 2006
Happy birthday Evan Stinkerpants!
Today is your second birthday. Time sure does fly by fast! This year has been a great year. You learned how to sit up and then how to walk. You got your first big boy buzz cut. You became a big brother. You have decided that eating is fun and have gone from 18 pounds to 27 pounds which is a big gain for a toddler. You said your first word: fish. You got your first pet and learned that opening presents is big fun.
Your third year is going to be tougher and filled with more challenges but mommy and daddy will be there every step of the way. We love you so much!
Thursday, March 02, 2006
It is starting
Evan is having a heart catheterization next Friday. His cardiologist wants to get a good look at his heart before he has his surgery. This is the first big step to surgery so I am starting to get nervous, very nervous. I try to seem casual about this but deep inside I want to wave my mommy wand and just make him better with out having him having to endure all the pain that surgery entails.
Even his recovery this time around will not ease my worries. I had thought he was home free when he got released after a week in the hospital during his last surgery. I was ever so wrong because a week later he had his stroke. I still can't go into the room in my husband's parent's house where it happened.
Luckily my beautiful little boy keeps me too busy and happy to worry about him too much. It really is had to feel sad for him when he takes the life that has been given to him with such grace. He has such a forgiving nature. I have had to do things to him that no parent should have to do to a child and yet after the tears are gone he still loves me. He even loves his doctors and is not afraid of them. He is such an example to me. I just hope that I can be as good of an example to him as he is to me.
A bit better
The day turned around at play group. Evan had fun, Harry was good and I got some adult conversation. Harry actually took a nice nap so mommy got some much needed sleep. I think that I am going to have to rework his sleeping patterns. I have been rocking him to sleep but I think that him being out in the area with the rest of the family is overstimulating him so that he resists sleeping more. When I just put him into the crib he will complain a bit but quickly drift off.
Harry is so different than Evan. I had him on a great schedule by this age. He was sleeping great. I did the same things that I did with Evan yet Harry is not responding the same way. That really makes me realize that he is his own person. I can't wait to see what happens next with him, it is such an exciting jorney.
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
I find it very ironic that after helping to teach about the joys of motherhood to a bunch of teenaged girls I go through mothering hell. Harry is being the biggest pain right now. He has to be held almost all the time, he will not nap longer than a half hour and is getting up way too early in the morning.
I love my baby. I love holding him and playing with him and doing all that other mommy stuff. I just get so frustrated when I am trying to play with Evan only I can't really because if I put Harry down he screams bloody murder. I am so tired right now because after many weeks of sleeping solidly through the night he is waking up often.
Naps are out of the question for me to catch up on my sleep. Today was a great example of what has been going on. I give Harry a bottle, he falls asleep so I put him in his bed (where he seems to sleep a tiny bit better), get Evan lunch and put him down. Just as I doze off in bed the little stinker wakes up and will not even think about going back down.
This is all adding a lot of tarnish to the shiny joys of motherhood. I think the only thing that is keeping me from running away from home is the fact that I know that this too shall pass. I had many many moments like that with Evan and will have many moments like that with my next baby. It will pass and other challenges will arise and make me want to tear my hair out. Along with the frustrations comes the joy, the smiles, the laughter, the hugs.