Selfish

I just finished reading Parenting By Proxy by Dr Laura Schlessinger. I think the main thing that I took away from the book is that there is such a tendency in our current society to be incredibly selfish. People enter into a marriage with the expectation that it will only last until they find something better. They have kids as accessories, not a single thought is spared for anyone else.

A good example of that is this woman. She seems to be proud of the fact that she is barely involved in her children's lives. I am not saying that you should give over every part of yourself over to your children when they are born. A parent has to have a life outside of the kids but there is a fine line there. In order for you to be the biggest influence in your child's life you have to be there and available for your child. You have to show an interest in them and what they are doing.

I will admit that a newborn is super boring. All they do is eat sleep and poop. This early time is a crucial time however. It is the time when they learn to trust you. They learn that when they have a need you are there to take care of it. As the child grows and develops they become more interesting and start reflecting the things that you are teaching them back to you.

I don't find play groups mundane or boring. I enjoy teaching my sons new things. I love taking them to places that they have not been to before. I love seeing the look of awe on Evan's face when I show him something new and exciting. I am looking forward to being involved in his school work. Through him I will get to see things as I used to see them.

I guess the biggest difference between me and that woman is that I am not thinking how my children can entertain me. I don't think of my self when I am actively engaged with my children. I am thinking of them. Through my interactions with them I am slowly learning a Christ-like love, a love that is not selfish, a love that is pure.

More fun links

Welcome to the second edition of fun links.

• Link one is great if you have always wanted a dog but don't want any of the mess.
• Here is a place where you can generate any warning sign that you want.
• This is a link to a blog that has some amazing artwork on it.
• Here is a website with a lot of sage advice.
• And finally we have this, a little reminder for all my friends.

An embarrassment of riches

I was watching Oprah on Friday and it really made me think. The show was on the plight of people that work low wage jobs. It was amazing how hard these people work and yet how hard it is for them to get ahead.

Sometimes it is easy to not realize how good you have it. My husband is always feeling bad because he is not providing more money for the family. This is a crazy thing to get depressed about because we have so much. We are thrifty people so we have plenty of things with money to spare. I think the only item that we are really missing is a home of our own. The crazy price of housing has put that one thing out of our range. We could actually probably buy one but we would be far too over extended financially.

The media really seems to try hard to make people unhappy with what they have. There is so much advertising out there telling us that we must buy this and we will be happy. Get this because you deserve it. Even the great state of California operates through deficit spending. Every election there is one bond measure or another encouraging us to spend money that we do not have for this or that program.

Sometimes I get so frustrated with the irresponsibility of others. It is frustrating to see others blowing money like there is no tomorrow and seemingly not having any true consequences. Here we sit with all our investments, with our savings account and all the scrimping that we do. Sometimes I think about just going out and blowing it all on something fun. It would be easy but then I would regret it later on.

I am thankful for show that help me realize how lucky I am. I have a great family, a roof over my head, more food than I can eat. We also do not have to live from pay check to pay check worrying about what would happen if one of us got sick.

Silly

We got a catalog for Ikea and I was so excited it was almost pathetic. We had one nearby when I was living in San Diego and I totally got addicted to shopping there. I had hoped that I would be near one when I got pregnant so that I could get all my baby furniture there. Sadly the nearest one to us is too far away, waaaa! It sure is fun to look though.

So you think you can babysit

This morning I watched the daughter of a friend of mine. She is pregnant with number two and had an OB appointment. She watched Evan a lot when I was pregnant with Harry so I am returning the favor. I am even going to be the designated child watcher when she goes into labor.

We had an interesting discussion on which of the girls in our ward make acceptable babysitters. She had not had to use one yet because she had been trading babysitting for piano lessons with another mother. The night that my friend needs a sitter is back to school night so the other mother is not available. Now she has to take the plunge into securing the services of a teenager.

My criteria is that the girl (and I am saying girls because I don't have a high opinion of the boys in the ward so I would never hire one) is at least 14. The younger girls would do in a pinch but I try and avoid them because they are pretty giggly and flighty. I just don't have the feeling that much common sense is in those heads.

I have to like the girl. If I can't have a decent conversation with the girl then there is no way she is watching my children. I prefer literary girls but as there are not many of those in my ward I have to settle for her being able to have intelligent conversation. To me that is a sign that there is something going on in that teenager brain. I have been there I know how it is.

Sadly my last babysitter ended up aging out of rotation. Once the girls turn 16 they have a tendency to get jobs and lives. They are not available any more. I was really bummed about loosing my last babysitter because she was very literary, we even had the same taste in books. She actually reminded me a bit of me when I was that age. I guess that is what I am really looking for in a babysitter is a teenage version of me.

There is actually one girl in my ward that just about throws herself at my feet begging me to let her babysit. I have never used her because she is too eager. There is just something creepy about her obsession with my kids. I had toyed with the idea of hiring her older brother because he is the only boy that has even shown a passing interest in children but I didn't want to hurt this girl's feelings. My poor friend in her desperation is considering using this girl. It will be interesting to see how it turns out. At least she will not have to worry about scaring the girl off with the lack of TV or computer. This girl loves kids so much that I am sure that babysitting will be entertainment enough.

Blueberries

Book worm

Today I finally got a library card. We were not supposed to be in our current location this long so when I was childless so I just didn't bother. After Evan was born I kind of just let it slide and went to used book stores to get my reading fix. I figured since I had so little time I would end up paying a fortune in late fees any way. Don't ask me why I suddenly decided to get one but I did. Here is a list of what I got at the library because I know you all are dying to know.

• Magic Street by Orsen Scott Card. He is a writer that I very much admire. I have gotten to know him better through several websites that he runs. This book is one of his newer offerings and I am excited to finally get a chance to read it.
• Cell by Steven King. I have been a fan of Steven King since I was a teenager. When my grandmother died she had several Steven King books in her collection and my father decided to keep them. I really enjoy his stories and the creepy elements they have in them. I used to get books on tape and listen to them at night when I was supposed to be sleeping. I only checked out a Steven King book on tape once because after listening to Misery in the middle of the night in the dark I got too scared to continue listening.
• Einstein by Michael White and John Gribbin. I figure that since my son loves Baby Einstein so much I may as well learn more about the man. I am a huge science nut any way and the face of physics was changed by his theories.
• Parenting by Proxy by Dr Laura Schlessinger. I want to see what the fuss is about with Dr Laura. I have heard interesting things about her so I had to go and see for my self what all the hype was about.

As you can see I will be busy for a bit making my way through my reading pile. Back when I was a teenager this time of year I would be spending the bulk of my time reading. That list of books would have lasted a mere week at the most. I devoured words with gusto. I really miss those lazy days some times.

It is finished

Today we had a short but good visit with the GI doctor today. After talking over the issues with her we decided to stop all tube feeds. If he looses weight it will be obvious proof that he still needs the extra nutrition so the insurance company will not be able to say boo to us. Neither of us think that he will loose weight though. Evan has transitioned nicely from tube feeding to oral eating.

It is going to be so strange not hooking him up to the feeding pump tomorrow morning. He will miss his daily dose of Baby Einstein. I will now have to figure out what to fix him for breakfast every morning. My morning blog time will be cut short because he will not be stuck at the table for an hour every morning.

The best feeding transition was when we stopped night feeds. No more having to wake up in the middle of the night to shut off the incessant beeping of the pump. No more hearing beeping on a medical show and running upstairs thinking that the feeding pump was going off. You would be amazed at how often you hear beeping when there is none. We also said good by to 20 pound diapers in the morning with that transition.

All in all it is going to be nice to be free from the feeding pump. It has been our companion for two and a half years but it is time for it to go.

The heat is on

Well I am starting to feel more human now that the worst of the heat is over. The high on Saturday was 105 and the high on Sunday was 104! I do not deal with heat well at all, there is a reason that I do not want to ever live in an area where it is that hot on a regular basis during the summer. When I was a kid and we lived in Oklahoma the heat would cause my nose to bleed. I am so glad that we only lived there for a short time and then moved to wonderful Washington land of incessant rain.

I think that Sunday was the worst. Because it was the Sabbath, normal heat beating things like eating out and going to malls was out. You would think that three hours in church would help since the building has air conditioning. Sadly the air conditioning seems to only work in one room which is where Sunday School was held. I had just enough time to cool down and feel human when we had to move on to the chapel for Sacrament meeting. Harry had been acting up during Sunday School but I was not leaving that room with it's glorious coolness for anything short of a full on scream fest.

We ended up leaving shortly after the Sacrament because I just could not endure the cranky kids in the heat. It was just too much. Instead I spent the time partially submerged in icy cold hose water with Evan in the wading pool. My husband could not fit in the pool with us and Harry was in dream land. It was heaven.

I am melting

It is still freaking hot. That is all I have the brain power to write. Here are some cute Harry pictures to take your mind off the heat.

Noooo!

Harry is not listening to me! I have told him that he is not allowed to walk until he is at least one year old and look at what he does.

Oy!

It is fricking hot! My brain is melting and the kids are not napping so I am wiped out today. All I have to keep cool are some lame fans and a kiddy pool. I am praying that this horrible heat wave will end sometime soon. My husband does not see why I want to spend time at the beach where it is much cooler and the water is nice. I am going to ditch him and have fun with one of my mommy friends while he is wearing his hot uniform at work. Haha sucker! That is one of the few perks of being a stay at home mother.


These are pictures of Evan at the beach last year. They were taken days apart. Isn't it amazing how fast the weather can change? I don't have any beach pictures from this year because we haven't gone!!!! Grrr!

Wow!

At my husband's suggestion I am recording this for posterity. My husband actually mopped the kitchen floor. He forgot to put the chairs back, but I will take what I can get.

Some fun

Your Hair Should Be White

Classy, stylish, and eloquent. You've got a way about you that floors everyone you meet.

What's Your Funky Inner Hair Color?

You Are 30% Weird

Not enough to scare other people... But sometimes you scare yourself.

How Weird Are You?

My facade

I am the strong one. I don't get upset or worried about things. I take life as it happened, never letting things throw me. I am generally a pretty mellow person. I don't really let too many people get a peek into the real me, preferring to keep people at a distance.

It truly shocked me when I actually got queasy when I tried to call Evan's surgeon to talk about a date for his surgery. Thank goodness the surgeon's assistant was not there because I don't know if I could have talked to her.

I had thought I was prepared for this surgery. I knew it was coming long ago. It has been an unwelcome presence always hovering in my mind when I made plans for anything. I should be glad that it is happening soon because that means it will be over that much sooner and then we can all get on with life.

I am not happy that the surgery is looming in the near future. I am scared that something could happen to my wonderful son. When he had his first surgery we were still in shock at finding out that our first born was not the perfect little baby that we had imagined. We really had not been given a chance to bond so my feelings pre surgery were not nearly as strong.

The second time around he was still a little baby but his personality had started to emerge. I had also joins a few online support groups for parents like me. I had heard about all the scary things that could happen. Several children were lost in the month that preceded Evan's second surgery so I was very much on edge. He made it through the surgery but then a week after he was out of the hospital he had his stroke.

Now Evan is a toddler. He is no longer a baby. He has wants and needs that he can make known. He loves playing with his cars and being outside. His favorite food is fish. He loves being on the go and playing outside. He is a very real person that I have gotten to know so well in his two short years on this earth. It is going to be the hardest thing I have ever done to leave that operating room with out him in my arms and trust that everything will end up fine.

The squiggler

This is Harry's unusual crawling method. He never puts that knee on the floor he just has it sticking out like that. I suppose that is better than what Evan did which was a butt scoot that made him look a bit like a monkey.

Harry practicing his yoga positions.

He is already getting into things. I now have the lower row of the toy bins devoted to him.

Evan is actually pretty patient with Harry's toy stealing ways.

I see it, it is mine!

Almost there.

Sucess!

Don't push the button!

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Who died and made you king?

I have been feeling very grumpy of late and I am finally ready to get it out of my system. Friday I found out that my insurance company has decided to no longer pay for any of Evan's feeding supplies. They think that due to the fact that he is only on one can a day of Pedisure that they should not have to pay for any of it now because it is obviously a supplement and not a major source of nutrition. Grrr!

Why is it that they get to decide when my son has been on the feeding tube long enough? The reality is that it should be his GI doctor and me that make the final decision, not some pencil pusher in an office that has never even met Evan. If they had met him they would be so charmed by his cuteness that they would give him anything that he wanted.

Luckily we already have an appointment with his GI doctor scheduled in a little over a week. I had anticipated that we would be stopping all tube feedings at that time so I am not fighting the insurance company right now. We have enough extra supplies to eek our way through the week. If the decision is to not stop the feeds then all hell will break loose.

I have to say in the insurance company's defense they are generally pretty good about paying for things. Many of the people that I know that have kids with feeding issues can't get any type of formula for their kids covered because it is considered food. I am rolling my eyes right now. I do take issue with the fact that my insurance company will not cover the cost of us seeing a nutritionist. You would think that they would cover that kind of thing for a kid with a tube but they don't. They don't cover the cost of any one seeing a nutritionist.

Follow up

I am in trouble

Harry has figured out how to get from a laying down position into a sitting up position. That means he can squiggle and squirm his way into things now. He is also getting up on all fours and doing the rocking thing that comes before crawling. I also noticed him trying to pull up on the side table. I am so screwed!

Change of Shift

My post made it into Change of Shift which the nurse version of Pediactric Grand Rounds. Check out all the great submissions.