Stress

I think I am going to combust. I was told that the planned meeting to talk about the treatment plan for Evan was going to be delayed because Dr. Norman E. Shumway died and all the people involved in the meeting would be attending the memorial service. Jokingly I told the nurse practitioner that I would be going insane if I don't get information about the treatment plan soon. Apparently she took this a bit more seriously that I intended because the doctors had a meeting this morning.

The camps are still split on how we should proceed and I am the one that will be casting the tie breaker. I got the news in an email and the nurse practitioner will be calling me on Monday so I get a whole weekend to mull things over with very limited information. This is such a heavy burden. With his first and second surgery things were so clear cut, there was only one way to proceed. It was either surgery or watch our son die.

Now it seems to be a choice of two different paths that could both be equally good, but just slightly different. I just have a sick feeling. What if I pick one and then it turns out that the other way would have been better? You can never know what will happen and I hate second guessing myself.

I say that this choice will be mine because while my husband is a great guy he is just not as qualified to make the final decision. I have much stronger background in science, I am the one that goes to each and every doctor's appointment, I am the one that has done all of the research about Evan's heart defect. I have to take everyone's opinion and factor everything in and then decide. I know that the only way I can make this decision and be happy with it is with some divine help. I know that I am going to be praying a whole lot for wisdom in the coming days.