Thursday, October 19, 2006

Rude people

I live in a rather kid poor area. Due to the high cost of housing young families are often unable to afford to live here. The school districts county wide are shrinking as people move to more affordable areas to raise kids. What I don't get is what gives the remaining people the right to comment on my reproductive choices.

Today I was out walking with a friend who just had her second child. We were each pushing double strollers with a baby in the back and a toddler in the front (her kids are exactly the same number of months apart that Evan and Harry are). We were happily chatting when we passed a group of people. They all stopped talking to stare at us as we passed and started whispering comments before we were even out of earshot. The comments were not kind and really ticked me off.

I know that here the accepted mode of having children is to have two, each one years apart. I get lots of comments about how full my hands must be because Evan and Harry are so close in age. There is no reason to be rude about it however. I don't make snide comments about childless couples or people with a school aged child and a baby in tow. I smile at all the well behaved ones and mentally tisk at the wild ones never saying aloud what I am feeling, because that could be me in that parent's place.

I am happy with the spacing. I love that Harry and Evan are growing up to be friends. I like that I am still in baby mode so I don't have to adjust back to things. What is one more diaper when you are already changing them? I am also hoping to have at least four kids, although that will be on a kid by kid basis. I am even open to having more than four. I can't wait to have number three (but I am going to, I am not crazy........well very crazy any way). It is going to freak out everyone here and when I get looks I plan on just smiling a huge happy smile with my big happy family.


Guinevere Meadow said...

People sure can be rude! Rude comments when you're pregnant, and apparantly rude comments once the little ones arrive. Does it ever end? Is there a place on this earth where people behave with good manners?

Vicky said...

Gah! Three times of trying to post a comment - I don't like Blogger lately!

I came across your blog via a long chain through various blogs that I cannot remember now, and I was struck by what lovely boys you have.

I also felt some connection with you as we have some things in common - such as we both have a Harry! Mine is six and I have an older boy of ten two. They too are very good friends when they are not beating each other up, and can't live without each other.

There are a few other similarities that I noticed too, such as our husbands have similar occupations. Another thing is that while his lifestyle is a lot less affected than Evan's is, my older boy struggles with health issues including a dangerous nut allergy, asthma and eczema, so I have some inkling of how you feel.

If you have the time, have a look at my blog please!

Gina said...

I think the spacing of family is such a personal decision. And, for people like myself, sometimes out of our control. If it was up to me, I would already be pregnant with number two.

fancypantsnancy said...

Honey get used to it.

chichimama said...

And I get comments because mine are two years apart and I'm not having any more. Here the norm is 9-12 months apart and to have at least three, and many have four or five!

But rude is rude.

chelle said...

Rude people suck. Like the world has only been created for them. pfft! Our children will be 3 years apart (not by choice either!) and I have accepted that and plan on capitalizing on it!

I figure the rude ones are just jealous....who really wants to sleep through the night?

Vicky said...

I forgot to comment about the spacing of kids. Mine are four years apart and I had comments about that! It seems you just can't win. And really, how many people can time the production of their kids exactly how they want it anyway? I have friends with three children under three (eep!) and one friend with eight years between her children. Both of them actually planned it that way and they are very happy with their families. In the end, you plan your OWN family as best as you can, and it's nobody else's business.

Noseying must be a basic human instinct because I've had it done to me in England and Japan, in just the same way as you've been writing about!

Tracy said...

I was about to post a comment and when reading Vicky's comments, realized her words are very similiar to what I was going to say ... I came across your blog through other ones, was pulled in by your beautiful boys and here I am!

I have three boys, my youngest born with a CHD (TGA), corrected by surgery at birth. Feel free to visit my blog anytime.

Now for my comment! I agree with the whole freedom of speach thing, but COME ON! People should definately mind their manners & better yet mind their own business! Gesh! I felt very frustrated for you. I think it's great that your boys are close in age and that you would like to expand your family. It's a shame some people feel they have the right to criticize things they know nothing about. How sad that they live their lives like that!

Kelly said...

I totally agree with your thought on having them close so you don't get out of "baby mode". I'm the same way. I don't have them quite so close as you do, but I WILL say that I felt like a fish out of water when I had #2 and #3 26 months apart. It was like I was starting all over again! How strange is that?

This next one comes 20 months after my 5th, and I think that's a pretty good span. It's happened to us twice now, and I like it pretty well.

Let us know when you're preggo again! (this'll be soon, right?) ;)